GarGoyle-Design

The embrace was full of promise...
... of disappointment,
The urgency of needing...
... to leave,
The pain of wanting...
... to stay.
Each moment savored...
... and feared.

I dislike immensely the sort of uber Christian patriotism that seems to pop up quite frequently on Facebook or Myspace. These posts that talk about the founding fathers as if they were all devout priests waiting for the ascension or the ones that spout on and on about the Pledge of Allegiance as if it's some holy prayer and ultimate measure of a persons devotion to God and country.

Last night I went with my friend Angela to see the extended version of Avatar. I had a really good time despite a few setbacks like being seriously late and going to the wrong place to eat. Sadly I'll have to report to my wife that our favorite Japanese restaurant Sansui is no more and that the restaurant in it's place is not up to the same standards. The food was lackluster with avocado in almost every roll and fake crab used everywhere. I like avocado but not in every single thing I eat. It was especially problematic since Angela is allergic to avocado.

Right now I just want to cry and scream and rage! Nothing can spur a righteous man to violence as quickly as violence!

I've been sitting idly by listening to a friend tell story after story of what some may consider neglect, but what I consider abuse. Regardless of how many times I point to what it is, she backs off, excuses what she says. Attempts to put her partner in a better light. Typical victim mentality.

So tonight I came across this site on Help Guide - http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

Wow! It was like one of those "ask and your wish shall be granted" sort of things. Yesterday, Friday the 13th, the weirdest thing happened. My wife cuddled. Originally we were going to ask a friend to go with us to the St. Louis Art Museum. She's been kind of down and we thought it would be a great pick-me-up. Unfortunately she was too tired to go. So we went just us two instead.

I'm sitting on the couch ALONE again! Where should the emphasis be "ALONE again" or "alone AGAIN" or both "ALONE AGAIN!" Hmmm well no matter.

I love you so dearly and so deeply that I can't imagine a day without you. When I wake each morning my first thought is of seeing your face and when I lay my head down at night my thoughts are on the warmth of your touch. My days are sustained only by the hope of hearing your laughter and of seeing your eyes alight at some kindness I've performed. I desire nothing more than being your hero, every day, to my dying breath.

Today should have been a great day. I should have had a better attitude. I should have been in the now. Instead my mind was with the world and not with my body. I saw the people looking at me and wondered what they thought. I heard it was raining and thought about whether it was raining at home. I looked at the paintings and thought about all the people who couldn't be there with me to enjoy it.

I feel like I'm in this donut hole where things aren't so bad for us that I can take advantage of any of the government programs for debt relief and things aren't so good that I can take advantage of refinancing and reducing our debt. At the same time we have a ton of things that need to get done, but can't because we don't have the money to do them.

Where's my positive mental attitude when I need it.

Ever have one of those arguments that you realize right away that despite the person saying "I want this to be a discussion" the truth is that they just want it their way. I just had one such argument. It sets the dynamic for the whole day in my household.